lesson learneded....

My grandpa is dying. My grandma is dying. So what lesson could I possibly learn from that. We all die. We have to.

I have to teach my relief society tomorrow. I learned if I show up to relief society they will ask you teach...hence I have not been back since. Kidding. But I have thought about it.

I was asked to teach from the talk by Jeffrey R Holland, "Safety for the Soul" from this past conference. It is a very good talk. He discusses the fear we may have in the world concerning the last days but takes it to a personal level and that there is where the fear should lie. He then reassures us that we have a Father in Heaven that already knows these dangers and troubles of the heart and through his disciples and scriptures gives us counsel and protections regarding them. He goes on to talk about Lehi's dream and the comforts of knowing we have an 'iron rod' to cling to.

Is the world a God awful place that the end is near and the fire and brimstone are knocking at our very door step? NO. The lesson I learned tonight is this: My grandpa is dying. My grandma is dying. How is this a lesson? My grandpa has cancer again. This time there's nothing we can do but manage it until he goes. He's also in heart failure and is retaining water. As I sat there tonight rubbing his poor swollen feet I couldn't help but think of a conversation I had with him over a month ago. That night the nurse told us he was in heart failure and that his blood pressure was to low to do anything but make him comfortable to die. It was a little rough hearing that. More for me watching my mom's heart break. But the conversation that came next is something that I'll never forget. He sat there with Bishop Jenkins and said: "I'm not afraid. I've had a good life. I love my wife and my kids and I loved the chance the Lord has given me to be hear and to get see the things He's let me see. I got to go to Belize, Honduras, Alaska, and Europe. I've been able to overcome many different illnesses. It's been a good life. I've gotten to work to provide a life for my family, serve a mission with my wife, serve in the church and meet some good people. The Lord has blessed me all my life. It was a good life." The most amazing statement to me was even though he though he might die he still made sure his tithing was paid. That was most important to him.

My Grandpa converted to the Church in the 40s and has before that day and since that day tried live by the Lord through the knowledge that he has gained. The lesson I learned tonight was the promptings of the spirit that gingerly reminded me of the loving example of both my grandparents. He's not afraid. She's not afraid. They don't care about the world around them. They have lived for the world they've created in their home. They are aware of what's going on and have done their civic duty when asked upon. My grandmother kept them in tune to the spirit and made sure she taught with love and a wooden spoon. :) They've been through the Great Depression and have seen technology that they thought would never happen. And yet as they reach their 'last days' how ever long that will be. The each know through the fullness of the gospel they will be together forever and this is only the beginning.

I just want to say how grateful I am for the opportunity to be here and that I was fortunate enough to grow up next door to them. Some family members think Carlsbad is the armpit of the world but really it's where they live. They don't have the relationship that I got to have with grandma and grandpa. Carlsbad is hell for me because of another reason. The reason I can say I love this place is because of my grandparents and my parents. They have taught the world is as bad a place as I look for it to be or it's the best time of my life. That one day I'll be able say I've 'lived a good life.'

Thank you grandpa and grandma for a lifetime of love, near death experiences, memories and teaching me about angels. I'll never be able to eat apricot jelly sandwiches or french toast or microwave a scorpion without thinking and giggling about you. Also I hope, grandma, that I get to cuss and say it was what the dog said. I really do look forward to blaming my cussing on the dog. I love you and hope I grow up to be just like you.

hmmm...

So let's see what's been goin on around here... Sean is in a preschool/daycare and loves it! Although if you ask him he he wants to go to school he starts to cry. hahaha Once he gets there it's a different story. He loves all the kids and is always talking about 'his kids' actually he says 'my kids.' He's a very social boy when it comes to meeting and talking to new kids. His nursery teachers and school teachers all say the same thing. He's well behaved and is always walking up to kids to play with them and offer whatever toy he's got. He's such a funny kid and so talkative. I LOVE IT! He's addicted to Spongebob and Caillou these days. He also follows uncle Mikey or my dad outside helping them 'fix' things. Don't worry he's still crazy about super heros and still refers to me as 'Mary Jane' and 'Pepper Pots' as well as 'Gwen' from BEN10.

As far as me and that guy I married. We made it as far as Carlsbad and got stuck here probably for forever. While I hate being here and there are a handful of reasons why but it's not something worth talking about. BUT I love being around my mom and I love my friends at church and so its bearable. I got a job as a teller and bookkeeper for my mom's business. Travis is cooking and prep for my mom's restaraunt and catering co. My mom keeps him pretty busy. He's happy because he loves it and loves working with my mom. So life is good? ha we'll see.


this is a typical seany face....he always makes this face as when you're trying to tell him something. it's almost like he's mocking you...

Here's 3 of the 4.5 grandbabies. aren't they sweet? yeah until all 3 start to fight over the same thing!

Proof that white trash is hereditary!

Ok so every kid is different. Every kid learns different. Every kid needs his or her own motivator to get them to do what you want. In the potty training of The Sean it was praise. I have no idea why. But HEY, it works. He has to tell every one " I DID IT!" He just eats up the attention he's gotten. Seany prefers to pee outside. He loves to 'free ball' it too as you can tell by the pic below. After he's pulled the ultimate male thing(pee off a porch) he raises his arms as if to say "well? where's my praise?" and makes the funniest face. i've tried to catch that on camera but i'm always to late and if he sees the camera he makes the face in the bottom pic.

As you can see he doesn't like gettin his pic takin while he's doin his bidness. lol This pics says to me "Mom, i'm really disappointed in you right now!"

A funny side note is my dad's favorite story about Sean in this whole training process. Sean's first poop in the potty(thankfully he hasn't fully crapped his pants) was interesting to say the least. Once he was done he looked down and said, "Oh! I pooped a snake!" oh how i love the sweet innocence of children. i know when i tell travis that i pooped a snake he just gets grossed out instead of finding it cute and funny. Then again i don't think travis running around nekked with sean yellin "Nekked daddy!" while sean yells, "Nekked SEANY!!" is very cute either.

p.s. as i was posting this sean saw his nekked pic and said " look at me peein." hahahaha

pics finally!

super uncle michael and batman sean!

sleeping dragons...

uncle michael and sean watching batman on the laptop

my little thug!

Thug LIFE!!!

I done did it!!

ok first sorry it's been so long. my 3 readers i'm sure have moved on but here i am if you still want me.

So here's what we've been up to:

I'm gonna start and work my way backwards.

SEANY is POTTY TRAINED!
well i like to think so. he's been accident free since tuesday and it's been fairly easy. we started tuesday and he didn't take to it very well until he learned he could go outside. once that happened he'll now only pee outside. he'll poo in the potty but no pee. it's funny cuz he has to tell everyone: "i did it!! WHOO HOO!" and that's been his only motivation. no bribes. nothin but praise. now i just have to figure out how to get him to pee in the potty. i don't want his first day of school to be "teacher, i need to go outside" and have him go back in and yell "I DID IT!" It feels so good to be out of diapers! i still have to wipe ass but it's not as bad and sean'll catch on soon i hope.

Grandpa Buckner has Cancer...again
grandpa had stomach cancer 6 years ago and here in carlsbad they said he only had 2 months to live. well the huntsman center in salt lake basically threw out the dr.'s prognosis, removed 2/3 of his stomach and made history for his age and health and overcoming this cancer. well about 2 months ago my mom noticed he was not eating and then he said that it hurt when he ate and that he was having some mild pain around his lower belly. well we took him to the dr. and after a scan and some tests he again had cancer. he had spots on his liver and lymph nodes. again they said he only had a short time to live. they didn't even bother to find out what type it was. it makes me wonder how many people have died because dr.s don't care. well we sent him to utah again and they were pretty excited because he being 93 is charting new territory for cancer patients. he is in such perfect health and he's their first and so they have no one to compare him to in a sense as to how any treatment would be on him. they diagnosed him with Adeno Carcinoma(sp? i'm not sure.) it is a cancer that attacks soft tissue. while it is terminal and we can't cure it is slow growing and the best treatment is actually diet. so essentially we've put him on the "RAW" diet to get his body ph balance and go from there. he said "You know i never gelt like have a short time left. I have faith in my body that i can get my strength back from this." which is interesting coming from a 93 yr old. but as righteous as he i'm sure he'll decide when he's ready to go.

We Made it as far as Carlsbad...
kinda grouchy about that. what keeps me from being completely grouchy is i'm here because my mother needs me. one thing that i love about my family is that we'll do anything for and will be there for one another. knowing my mother's growing business was taking her over and the stress of my grandmother with Alzheimer's and grandfather with cancer she was starting to sink. not financially but emotionally and physically. so we're here til she doesn't need us anymore. so she can breathe. i love her and will put off my whole world to give her even a moments rest from the her daunting life right now. i know she knows i love her but sometimes the only way i can repay her for always being so good to me and others is to show her. so carlsbad sucks, my in-laws suck worse here and i hate being here but i'm glad to be out of phoenix and glad i could be here for my mother.

PICS!!!!

ok so maybe tomorrow. it won't let my upload them so i'll try tomorrow. SORRY!

oh mary!!!

I JUST WANTED TO POST SO EVERYONE WILL KNOW!!!! MARY, YOU ARE ONE OF MY MOST FAVORITE FAMILY MEMBERS! it is a hoot to hang around you! it's in all caps so to look as if i'm yelling it out to everyone! hahahaha that's for you! so now can i see that pic? pretty please!

oh yeah....

So I got to thinking that I didn't want to live in AZ anymore. Also I didn't want Travis to have to be waiting for 2 years to get into the Physical Therapy Assisting program here. So I got to looking around and making some phone calls. One of the places that I was looking into for Physician Assisting was Texas Tech. Their PA program is in Odessa, TX at their Health Science Center. Well Odessa also has a college that offers the PTA program for Travis. So I called down there to figure out tuition and GI Bill stuff and what the wait would be. Well the Academic advisor said he could get in next fall. Also Texas is one of the few states that the new Chapter 33 GI Bill pays the most. AND best of all they still consider us NM residents and we got in-state tuition! NICE! So we are now moving to Odessa Texas! It'll be nice being only 3 hours from my parents and 6 hrs to San Antonio my two favorite places. Although I'm not a fan of tornadoes and flat lands with no wind break. I think I'll live getting to achieve my goal( being a PA) and helping Travis to achieve his(being the first EVER in his family to graduate college). So Peace out Arizona! :)