lesson learneded....

My grandpa is dying. My grandma is dying. So what lesson could I possibly learn from that. We all die. We have to.

I have to teach my relief society tomorrow. I learned if I show up to relief society they will ask you teach...hence I have not been back since. Kidding. But I have thought about it.

I was asked to teach from the talk by Jeffrey R Holland, "Safety for the Soul" from this past conference. It is a very good talk. He discusses the fear we may have in the world concerning the last days but takes it to a personal level and that there is where the fear should lie. He then reassures us that we have a Father in Heaven that already knows these dangers and troubles of the heart and through his disciples and scriptures gives us counsel and protections regarding them. He goes on to talk about Lehi's dream and the comforts of knowing we have an 'iron rod' to cling to.

Is the world a God awful place that the end is near and the fire and brimstone are knocking at our very door step? NO. The lesson I learned tonight is this: My grandpa is dying. My grandma is dying. How is this a lesson? My grandpa has cancer again. This time there's nothing we can do but manage it until he goes. He's also in heart failure and is retaining water. As I sat there tonight rubbing his poor swollen feet I couldn't help but think of a conversation I had with him over a month ago. That night the nurse told us he was in heart failure and that his blood pressure was to low to do anything but make him comfortable to die. It was a little rough hearing that. More for me watching my mom's heart break. But the conversation that came next is something that I'll never forget. He sat there with Bishop Jenkins and said: "I'm not afraid. I've had a good life. I love my wife and my kids and I loved the chance the Lord has given me to be hear and to get see the things He's let me see. I got to go to Belize, Honduras, Alaska, and Europe. I've been able to overcome many different illnesses. It's been a good life. I've gotten to work to provide a life for my family, serve a mission with my wife, serve in the church and meet some good people. The Lord has blessed me all my life. It was a good life." The most amazing statement to me was even though he though he might die he still made sure his tithing was paid. That was most important to him.

My Grandpa converted to the Church in the 40s and has before that day and since that day tried live by the Lord through the knowledge that he has gained. The lesson I learned tonight was the promptings of the spirit that gingerly reminded me of the loving example of both my grandparents. He's not afraid. She's not afraid. They don't care about the world around them. They have lived for the world they've created in their home. They are aware of what's going on and have done their civic duty when asked upon. My grandmother kept them in tune to the spirit and made sure she taught with love and a wooden spoon. :) They've been through the Great Depression and have seen technology that they thought would never happen. And yet as they reach their 'last days' how ever long that will be. The each know through the fullness of the gospel they will be together forever and this is only the beginning.

I just want to say how grateful I am for the opportunity to be here and that I was fortunate enough to grow up next door to them. Some family members think Carlsbad is the armpit of the world but really it's where they live. They don't have the relationship that I got to have with grandma and grandpa. Carlsbad is hell for me because of another reason. The reason I can say I love this place is because of my grandparents and my parents. They have taught the world is as bad a place as I look for it to be or it's the best time of my life. That one day I'll be able say I've 'lived a good life.'

Thank you grandpa and grandma for a lifetime of love, near death experiences, memories and teaching me about angels. I'll never be able to eat apricot jelly sandwiches or french toast or microwave a scorpion without thinking and giggling about you. Also I hope, grandma, that I get to cuss and say it was what the dog said. I really do look forward to blaming my cussing on the dog. I love you and hope I grow up to be just like you.